Grief

Contributor: Erin S

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I.
It was so
Sudden
She couldn’t
Be
Dead
I’d spoken to her
Yesterday
Over half full mimosas
That were mostly champagne
She
Laughed That deep
Hearty laugh of hers
I wonder if
She knew

II.
My nails stabbed holes
Into the soft flesh
Of my palms
I screamed
Until my throat
Was raw and
I tasted
Blood
How dare she
Leave me alone

III.
I hadn’t prayed
Since I was ten
But I fell
To my knees
And
Clasped my hands
Please
Bring her
Back
To me
I’ll do
Anything
I’ll go to church
I’ll recycle
If you just
Bring her
Back
Please

IV.
I was
F
a
l
l
i
n
g
Into nothing
The sheets she’d bought me
When I rented my first apartment
Were wrinkled and unwashed
The sunflower she insisted
Would
‘brighten’ things up
Was brown
I felt
Nothing
I was
Nothing
Without her

V.
I got used
To half empty mimosa glasses
Saturday afternoon brunches
Without her laughter
I
S p r e a d
Her ashes
In the lake
We used to visit
When I was young
She would look out at the water
With such envy
She always said she belonged
In the water
I never understood
What that meant
Until now
I looked out at that same lake
With that same envy
And took
A breath


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Erin is a Literature major at Ramapo College. She loves to write.