Contributor: Brittany Alaine

- -
It all started with a mirror,
And me staring at its reflecting glass.
It’s glaring truths.
I had never seen such horror.
Who was that woman with pale skin and empty eyes void of life and emotion?
I cannot look away.
What have I done? What do I do? Why am I even here?
All I can see if what is right in front of me.
My pain, my past, and this reflecting glass.

I think back to when I was younger and brighter.
When my heart was a little lighter,
And I wonder what happened between point A and B.

Between the boyfriends and the booze,
The screwing over and being screwed,
Nice cars, brand new shoes,
And taking, taking, taking,
always taking what I was due.

Between my misery and pain,
And selfishness and what I could gain,
Casting the first stone,
Playing the game,
And always having you to blame.

Between last call and the open bars,
And forgetting the beauty in the stars,
And not listening to the whispering breaths that I was
Running, running, running
Closer to my death.

And hating you and hating me.
Hating everything in between.
Feeling trapped. Not being free.
Wanting somebody to love me for me.

Finally, I drop to my knees.
Crying over and over,
Please, please, please.
My pain, my past, and this reflecting glass.

The tick of the clock as the minutes pass.
Praying. Finally praying at long last.
Forgiven.
For the past is in the past.
Acceptance.
By finally taking that second chance.
By searching within not just giving a glance.

By tolerating the intolerable.
Loving the unlovable.
Creating the uncreatable.
Making possible out of the im-possible
For we are miracles.

By not looking at the glass as half gone.
Who I will be not what I have done.
The places I’ll go,
The people I’ll meet,
The victories I’ll have.
Never. Accepting. Defeat.

And I see more now than what is right in front of me.
I see the birds and the bees and all the points C, D and E stretched out into infinity.
And that I can love me for me.

My pain, my past, and this reflecting glass.


- - -
Brittany Alaine currently is living in the countryside of Hanover, Germany, where she is teaching English as a foreign language and working on her travel and lifestyle blog outlining her life abroad as a recovering alcoholic.